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Non Traditional Mother

on May 14, 2012

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She wants a child more than anything.
Her age quickly approaching the non traditional mother’s age of 40.
A baby growing into a child growing into a teen growing into an adult.
So many beautiful stages she may never see.

The drugs to help her dysfunctional female organs and hormones put her in a funk. Depressed, angry, fat.
Not what the traditional mom feels when she is trying to get pregnant.

She is often put in awkward situations when people ask if she has children. They see a woman in her 30’s, child bearing years, with a wonderful husband. Where are the kids?
A stranger asks a seemingly harmless question, but to the woman the answer is loaded with anxiety and tears.
The lady wanted to hear, “I have 2.5 children with a couple of dogs.”
Instead she only has more questions that would only lead to answers she may not want to hear.

This non traditional mom is a mom to those babies she really wants but can’t physically hold.
Miscarriages, negative pregnancy tests and age fight her hope.
The struggle with adoption.
Her pain runs deep. In her head, she holds her children. She tells them stories. She sings them to sleep.
She is a mother.

People want to be nice. Over and over.
“You should adopt. Once you start the process you will probably get pregnant.”
“My sister, cousin, aunt or friend finally got pregnant at the age of 40 after 5 miscarriages.”

Her hope is deep. That hasn’t wavered.
Her hope comes from faith. God knows she puts her trust in Him.

But on Mothers Day she gives herself permission to grieve. She is a non traditional mother.
She loves so deeply and can’t wait to physically share it with her children.
Her children she hasn’t seen but she has felt.

To all of those non traditional mothers-
I share in your pain and your hope.
I understand the fight.
We are in it together.

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One response to “Non Traditional Mother

  1. Brian says:

    God Bless You Michael, Mary, and Elizabeth.

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