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The Writing On The Wall

on September 26, 2012

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Turned sideways,
This is my name.
Written by me.
At an early age.
On the basement floor of my childhood home.

My parents are selling the home they have lived in for 35 plus years.
It is time.
Time to move closer to the things they hold dearest in their hearts.

I was helping them paint when I uncovered my handi-work.
I found another autograph on a wall that was once my twin’s and my room.
Both done carefully,
Slanting downward
With my twin’s name above mine
And slanting upward.

A reflection of my thoughts.
She was the “better” twin.
Prettier and more acceptable.
She was my best friend.
I would never hurt her or
Think poorly of her.
She and I were inseparable.
She was and still is,
The most thoughtful person I know.

At the time,
At such a young age,
My insecurities were reflected in my writing.
I didn’t realize that then.
The things I could whisper in that young girls ears to undo the lies she thought were true.

A home holds more than just the good memories, you know.

This home,
Full of stories and holidays and vacations and voices and noises,
Now it’s time to part ways.

Maybe I can bury the hurtful ghosts of my past when saying good-bye.
Maybe those happy meals cooked and shared
and laughter and games
and singing and praying
will be all that’s left.

So many great times.
This was where I found that inner gift.
The one God left in my heart.
The one that said,
“teach. Work with children.”

This was where we played outside instead of watching tv.
Where the garden hose was a water park when complete with buckets and sponges.
Where my sister and I played trucks in the dirt with my older brother.
Where we hid from our neighbor ,
“Mr. Hammerhead,”
And ran from our other neighbors German shepards.
Where we had a secret fort and made pizza on Saturday nights and camped out on the living room floor.

This childhood home.
The one for sale.
Where my twin and I played with the only neighbors we had,
They were all boys.
It didn’t matter to us then.
Where we tried to save animals that were dying or
Held our baby sister and brothers
Or worked on our very secret and funny plans.
(Like the time we went up to each brother and sister and told them we loved them and hugged them.
Yes. That was our “plan” because we wanted them to just know we loved them.)

This was where we would see how far up the steps we were willing to jump from onto the pillows and blankets on the landing.
(Thanks to the daring older brother for this idea.)
And where I first told my twin “bye” when she headed off to college.
Our first “real” separation.
My heart ripping in two,
As she had the other part of it.

This home was where my then boyfriend,
Now husband,
Sat together on the porch swing.
Sweetly enjoying time -talking and holding hands.
Where he watched my younger sister and brothers grow up.
Where we said good-bye when he went off to college and I shed a flood of tears because I would miss him so much
And where I told my family good-bye when we got married and packed up my few belongings to move into my new home.

So many memories,
That when recalled,
Feel as if I am still living them.

The writing is on the wall.
This was home.
This was where we lived and loved.
I will I am sure cry as we say good-bye,
But will always reflect on the words not written on the walls,
But Engraved on my heart.

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8 responses to “The Writing On The Wall

  1. ctminnesota says:

    Beautiful. My parents STILL live in the same home that I was born in; I haven’t lived there in almost 20 years, yet it is still “home”. For better or for worse, and I can completely relate to your beautiful prose.

  2. Ashley says:

    This is beautiful. I felt like I was walking through your memories with you.

  3. I love it when I do a home inspection and find that door in the master bedroom where the heights of all the children are marked on the door. It’s a lot of fun to see especially if there are four children with 25 years’ worth of markings. I want to leave them a note saying, “Don’t forget to take that wonderful door.”

  4. m3lly78 says:

    that is so beautiful…

  5. Beautifully reflective… 🙂

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