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Unworthy Yet Loved

on October 25, 2012

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I don’t deserve the friends I have.

I know that God loves me so much and wants me to feel that unconditional love.

Most days this comes in the form of others love for me.
And while I am not this saint of a person,
I am human and stained from birth.
(Thanks Eve.)
This doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be loved.
Though I feel unworthy.

Still…I have the most awesome friends!

Let me explain.
Just this week –

1. My best highschool girlfriend supported me through reunion fears.
I had this irrational thought that no one would know who I am and that I would be sitting by my lonesome.

Besides the fact that I spent a good amount of time flipping through the yearbook trying to memorize every name in my class,
worried that I would have my mouth hanging open as I clearly could not recall this person’s name who would be standing in front of me expectantly, big smile on their face.
(I imagine in detail.)

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Now, I was not treated mean in high school.
(Though in grade school there was one girl who was mean to me and I still struggle with forgiving her.)
I had many different friends and I normally can get along with most people.

Still…a voice whispered,
“You have gained weight,
You are not good enough
You will say something embarrassing…”

So….my bestie was willing (though a year younger) to go with me to the bar where we were meeting so that I had not only a way out if caught in an awkward nightmare, but a friend to share a drink with.

She would have held my hand if I asked.
She didn’t push me or tell me I should do it.
She waited (up to the last few minutes) for me to “man up” and decide.

I love her!

The reunion was good.
I actually remembered people’s names!
And what is more- they remembered me.
It was very pleasant and I am happy I went.

Currently this very same friend is helping me with our annual Halloween party.
She loves to be creative (like me) and has great ideas!
I was struggling with scavenger hunt clues, so guess who pulled through? Yes, my BFF.

2. My dear friend of many years came over for a visit one evening.
We met through work almost 20 years ago and while separated at times of our life due to changing jobs and both of us getting married,
God has always brought us back together –
over and over!

It had been months since we had some quality time, which is unusual for us.
So when we put this date on the calendar, I was so excited.

She made me a birthday cake (coconut – my favorite!) and sang to me
(Because we didn’t get to celebrate my birthday months ago. )
We caught up on all the adventures our lives have taken us on recently and shared our plans for what is next to come.

She always makes me laugh and is such a joy to be around!
Did I mention she made me a cake?!
And the icing was homemade.
(Maybe not a big deal to some, but so special to someone who buys her cakes.)
I just love her!

3. My lovely husband supported me in the following areas:
-finding new glasses,
(Hello! I had a near freak out over glasses and he remained calm!)
-the reunion situation, providing wisdom (“I would love for you to stay home with me, but I don’t want you to regret not going”. Yes, his actual words. )
-watching old movies (“Classics” that I had never heard of! I turned on TCM early in the morning when I couldn’t sleep.)

We laughed and joked about how inappropriate they would be considered now
(for instance, a mother telling her daughter to marry rich or a young mother telling grandpa to just spank her 6 month old baby if he cried)
even though some people think movies today are so “bad” or distasteful.

We saw one where a young girl was the talk of town when she went “driving” with all these boys (not to mention getting caught with an old guy)
and accepting gifts from them each.
She did just have her heart broken and was acting out,
but well…lets just say papa was not proud of her reputation.
In the end she was shot.
Yah she died.
Not a pretty ending.

So…anyway we watched several of these crazy “Classics” and I just love that he and I can still laugh together and have a great time-
Just the two of us.

He has seen my ugliest days
(In every way) and (hopefully) my best days too.
He is still my friend.
After 20 plus years together.

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These are just some of the friends in my life.

Do you see why I feel so lucky?

I have more that pray with me
and for me.
That dance with me and share stories and experiences.
I have sisters who are my friends and friends who are my sisters.

How did I get all of these beautiful friends ?!

Once again,
I am not worthy of such love.

Yet just know this,
If I have this much love,
Me, a sinner and human full of human faults,
Then doesn’t that say something about how God wants me to know I am loved?

Thank you friends!
All of you!
You have made my week (and every week)!
I love you each!

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”
― William Shakespeare

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis

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4 responses to “Unworthy Yet Loved

  1. ctminnesota says:

    What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing.

  2. jaimestathis says:

    Thanks for sharing your blessings! I went to two high schools and went to two reunions in the span of a week last June. Oi. I feel your pain, sister.

  3. m3lly78 says:

    Im glad the reunion went well. I havent had one for my school, although it’s not quite 20 years, but not far off!
    You friend is so lovely to bake a cake for your belated birthday celebration!
    Im happy you’ve got so many positives out of potentially awkward situations!

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